Voices Can Be Deceiving
by PrincessMariela
Summary: Human AU! Kiku doesn't know why the American he just met a few hours ago would be calling him but it turns out he's asking for dating advice. That's fine, but apparently Alfred thinks he's talking to Feliciano and not an essential stranger. To be polite, Kiku naturally mimics Feliciano's voice to avoid awkwardness. But then Alfred keeps needing dating advice... AMERIPAN!


Really, when Kiku saw an unknown caller on his phone just a few hours after giving a certain American his number, he should've known exactly what he was in for.

Unfortunately, Kiku did not know, and he innocently picked up his phone, nothing but a slight crease on his forehead to show his confusion.

He pressed the 'answer' button, put the phone up to his ear, and was about to ask who it was when a loud, booming voice cut him off.

"Yo, dude! It's me, Alfred!" the mysterious caller yelled, and at the sound of his voice Kiku remembered who it was.

Alfred F. Jones, if he recalled correctly. Feliciano had introduced the Japanese man to him earlier, saying, "Veh, Kiku, you just got to the States! You should meet more friends!"

Kiku had greeted him with a slight bow, and the blonde had laughed it off and told him there was no need to be formal because he was the hero and that the friends of his friends were his friends. The man had certainly left an impression on the Asian, especially when he had said that he would take them to the finest restaurant America had to offer and it ended up being McDonalds.

Kiku had given Alfred his phone number upon Feliciano's urging, the American had written it down, the two had parted ways, and Kiku didn't expect them to really meet or talk again.

And yet here he was, on the phone with someone who was still essentially a stranger to him.

"Hey, Feli? You still there?"

Kiku realized that he had probably blanked out, but then he realized another thing.

Feli?

"Yo, Feli~" Alfred singsonged, "Talk to me!"

Oh, this was just a misunderstanding. Alfred had been trying to call Feliciano, not him. Kiku briefly remembered that Feliciano told them he was using a temporary phone ("Veh, I just found it in an old box and it doesn't even have any games, but it didn't break when I dropped it!) while his usual one was getting fixed, and that the Italian had given the blonde his new number for the time being.

Well, he would just tell Alfred that it was a wrong number and-

"Dude, say something! Gosh, I told you I'd called you to ask for help on this date! You're always talking about flirting and stuff, and I don't want someone aside from you to know, Feli! This is totally private, and I won't tell anyone but you about it!"

Kiku almost choked. Private information? From the way Alfred had said it, it seemed like Feliciano was the only person he wanted to inform about his date. How would he take it if he was told that it was actually a complete stranger he had blurted out his problem too?

"Feli? Hey, you okay?"

Now, Kiku had been told before that sometimes he would go to extremes to be polite and avoid offending others. He was prone to wearing a suit in casual get-togethers, or even carrying on minutes worth of conversations with people he had been too painfully polite too to tell that he couldn't even remember their name.

That was nothing compared to what Kiku was going to try now. He just didn't want anything to be more awkward than it already was. Or at least, that was his reasoning behind the stupidity of the stunt he was about to pull.

It was a very little-known fact, but Kiku was surprisingly good at imitating voices. If he practiced enough, he could even copy the accents. He had taken up the hobby after he had decided he wanted to be able to do what the voice actors in some of his favorite animes, not that he would admit it to anyone else.

However, if he was to be specific, there was one voice he could do terrifyingly well, and that was Feliciano's.

He begged for forgivness in his mind, opened his mouth , and began to speak.

"Veh, hi Alfred! I'm j-just fine!" Feliciano's voice came out of Kiku's mouth, the raven haired man cringing with every syllable.

Oh, the things he did to be polite.

"Haha, there you are! Good, I was beginning to get worried! Anyway, you have any tips for this date? Mattie set me up on a one again because he said he was tired of hearing me complain about being single! Ha, what does he know?"

Kiku had no idea who on earth 'Mattie' was and he really just wanted to hang up, but he had already gotten himself in this mess, no sense in regretting it now.

"Anyway, he said I was gonna go meet a girl named Natalya or something, and that she was one of his co-workers. He told me she was into some dark and deep stuff, but that she was super strong too! We're gonna meet at some hipster cafe at the mall or something, and I guess we'd just sort of figure out what else to do from there."

"So!" Alfred continued, a hopeful tone in his voice. "Got any suggestions?"

The Japanese man frowned slightly. He wasn't much of a romantic fellow (even if his entire naval fleet of anime ships said otherwise) and he didn't really know what would be qualified as a romantic gesture.

"Um, well what are the things you like?"

It was so surreal to be talking to someone who was barely even his acquaintance like this, and even more surreal that he was doing it as Feliciano.

"Pfft, you know that already! Hamburgers and large fries all the way!"

"Um, I mean, what are your hobbies? Talking about things you both like could help you two connect better."

Kiku sincerely hoped he had not just doomed this poor fellow on his date with his mediocre dating advice.

Fortunately, Alfred seemed to think that the Japanese man's impromptu suggestion was pretty good.

"Oh, yeah, I see what you mean! Well, I like food! Oh, and video games, definitely video games."

Considering the American's rather frightening food choices, video games were probably the better option.

"What sort of video games, then? RPG? Horror, or more strategy based ones?" Kiku asked, already getting a bit too into the whole giving advice thing. Considering it was about video games though, no one could really blame him. He loved it with a passion.

"Wow, man! Didn't expect you to be into that kind of stuff!"

Kiku froze. He was supposed to be Feliciano Vargas, not Kiku Honda, and he was about ninety percent sure that the Italian knew absolutely nothing about gaming.

"Oh, um," Kiku stuttered eloquently, "I just heard about it from Kiku!"

"Kiku?" there was a brief pause on the other line. "Oh, you mean the Japanese guy from earlier? Wow, I didn't know he liked gaming! You should totally tell him to come play with me!"

A small smile played on Kiku's lips. He never really had a chance to play with someone else, well, not in person at least. It would be nice to play something with someone who seemed to love it as much as he did.

"I think he'd like that very much."

"Haha, that's awesome! Thanks, Feli! Anyway, I guess I like horror games the best."

Despite Alfred not seeing him, Kiku nodded approvingly. Horror was his favorite genre as well.

"Then why not take her to a horror movie? You said that she liked some rather dark things-"

"NO!"

Kiku raised an eyebrow at this strange behavior.

Alfred coughed but tried to pass it off as a laugh. "I mean, nah, man! I mean, it's a first date so we shouldn't do that!"

"Um, next suggestion? Should I get her a gift or something?" the blonde seemed suspiciouly eager to move on, but Kiku didn't want to press the issue.

The Asian thought it over. "No... I don't think that would be too wise. You might seem too desperate or such."

Or at the very least, that was what dating simulators had taught him. They usually didn't let him give gifts until he had reached a certain relationship level with the virtual girl he was digitally courting.

He had also only belatedly realized that he should probably try to match the way Feliciano spoke. Even if he sounded like the Italian, if he didn't speak like him, the American was sure to find out something was wrong.

"Oh! Wow, you're good at this!" To Kiku's surprise, Alfred didn't even so much as question it. "So, how about compliments? Can you tell me some romantic Italian words and stuff? It's the language of love, after all!'

Kiku practically paled. He knew absolutely nothing about Italian, so he did what he always did when confronted with a question he didn't have the answer to.

He answered elusively.

"Ah, isn't that French?"

"Nah, Francis is a perv and I'm pretty sure most of the stuff he says in French is about asses or cheese."

The Japanese man had no clue what Alfred was talking about, but he decided to give a polite little laugh to pretend that he did and hopefully make Alfred forget about what he was asking for in the first place.

"So, any cheesy Italian words for me? Something like: You're as beautiful as a cheeseburger!"

"Um, well," Kiku plowed along uncertainly, as he tried to pull a good excuse out of nowhere, "Italian phrases are really overused, so I don't think you should use that."

It sounded plausible, at least...

"Really? Oh, okay then. The hero is never boring, after all!"

Kiku sighed in relief like he had just gotten an achievement in a videogame.

"Then how about Japanese? Would that work? I mean, I've just finished some anime and it looks really effective whenever the guy says something like 'I love you' to some random cute chick!"

Kiku was about to (rather enthusiastically) reply that he in fact _did_ know Japanese when he remembered that Feliciano could barely even pronounce 'konnichiwa' correctly.

"Um, well, I couldn't even speak it if I tried!" Kiku very blatantly lied through his teeth. "But... I suppose I could try asking Kiku about it then I'd text you his response."

Kiku could practically hear Alfred's smile through the phone. "Awesome! Thanks, bro! Oh, and thank Kiku for me too!"

The raven haired man deliberately avoided thinking about the fact that he had just lied to this man's face- er, phone.

"I will."

"Oh," Alfred seemed to remember something. "And I think I lost Kiku's number, could you give-"

A muffled voice that didn't sound like it belonged to Alfred seemed to say something in the background.

"AH! What?! No, shut up, Francey-pants! I'm not talking to anyone!" he heard Alfred shout, which was followed by a whisper of,

"Sorry 'bout that, I wasn't talking to you, Feli. Anyway, the hero's got other important heroic things to do now! Bye!"

The call ended with a **click!** , and Kiku rubbed his temples with his hands.

Oh, the things he did to be polite.

He sat down and decided that he might as well complete his dating advice and send Alfred the Japanese terms he requested. The thought that Alfred's date probably wouldn't even understand the words if the American said them to her only belatedly crossed his mind, so he pressed 'send' and decided that that was the end of it. After Feliciano got his phone fixed, he would continue to use his old number and Alfred would forget that the number Kiku had given him even existed.

Granted, Kiku felt slightly disappointed about missing the opportunity to be able to call a potential game opponent again, but it was for the best. If Alfred ever figured out what he had done, Kiku would probably commit seppuku right there and then to preserve whatever dignity he had left.

But of course, when had the universe ever cared about what Kiku thought?

So, when Kiku was reading manga one fine Saturday afternoon, exactly one week after the little voice acting incident, he really shouldn't have been surprised to hear his phone ring, due to a certain unknown number from a certain known person.

"Alfred-san is calling again?"

* * *

 **And that's a wrap! I just got this idea after visiting Japan's wiki page and seeing that he's apparently good at copying voices, and that he's especially good at doing Italy's voice. If you guys liked it, I might update faster, but I'm still not sure about it yet, so I guess I'll just see. If there are some readers here who have read my other story, 'Veh, Japan I Swapped With You!', then I guess you know just how much I like the idea of Japan pretending to be Italy! Anyway, thank you so much for reading, and please review to tell me your thoughts or if you want me to continue!**


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